Rules of Engagement

Sooner or later, our children will leave us to live a life of their own. Just like us when we left our parents to build our own home and families, we’ll have to accept the fact that they belong to us only when they’re still dependent on our parental support and under our care. Once our sons begin seriously courting girls and our daughters entertain suitors in preparation for marriage, it becomes our business to remind them so they won’t be committed to married life unprepared. First, they must be through with their studies so they’ll have something to show when they apply for employment. Second, they must be gainfully employed so they’ll have a regular source of income to support their upcoming families. Better yet, the job must be stable so they’re secure in their employment. For our daughters, it’s better if they’re employed as well so they can help their husbands support the family. What if the husband lost his job, his employer closes shop or suddenly dies they must be able to raise their children decently even as a single parent. Although I was able to raise my family as the sole bread winner, things are different now compared to our time when we were raising our family. My wife stopped working after three years of marriage to be a full time mother. Nowadays, it’s preferable if both parents are working to be able to give their children the best education. If there’s only one bread winner, the partner must have at least a small business to augment the family’s income. After courting and finding the prospective lifetime partner, becoming steady sweethearts for a period of time to test if indeed they’re compatible and ready for married life… engagement follows. It is here where I made a set of “Rules of Engagement”. It worked for us then, it would work for them now. Trusted by my would be parents-in-law to strictly follow the code of good morals and proper decorum, we see to it that every time we went out to church and unescorted dates I fetched home my future wife at the expected time she must be home. Sometimes, her youngest sister goes along with us probably as an observer, how we behave and to find out how trustworthy we can be. Second, each partner must give each other space to explore their opportunities both in post-graduate education and better employment opportunities; e.g., overseas job that yields substantial monetary rewards or job that encourage excellence leading to promotions. One must support the other and not an obstacle to the partner’s ambition. Avoid professional jealousy that will pit one against the other in terms in achievement and monetary return. Many engaged couple and would be husband and wife are guilty of pre-marital sex. This I emphasized to my children both boys and girls to avoid this sin. It’s something sacred that must be enjoyed only after they were legally-wedded, and blessed. They have all the time in the world to enjoy the heavenly gift bestowed by the Holy Father. Not one among them protested. I hope and wished to God no one goes astray. Please bless them Lord.

Tears Of the Son

Filipinos are basically close to its nuclear family even after they have their own family after marriage. It’s not unusual to find children helping their parents in the family finances especially if the parent’s family income is barely enough to keep the family’s bones and soul together. Even at a young age, children help father and mother in their respective tasks. Eldest son helps father in his work- farming, fishing, construction or any other endeavor. Basic needs such as food, shelter, clothing are the priorities. Education is considered a luxury for families not earning enough to meet the basic needs. Eldest son usually makes the greatest sacrifice so younger siblings can be sent to school and learn the basic of education, i.e., reading and writing. The poorest of the poor who were able to send their children to primary schools considered themselves lucky and blessed. Those who were able to graduate in the secondary proudly display their certificate of completion in that level. The luckier ones who were not able to enroll in higher education but were able to land a job were grateful for learning technical know how in vocational and technical courses. My daughter’s godfather is a typical example. After landing a job, he regularly turns over his salary to his mother to be able to supplement his father’s earning support their family. Father is a lineman in a telecom company and with ten other children to support, eldest son’s financial assistance is a great relief. In all family matters, he plays a major role in decision making. His parents can not decide once he is not around to deliver the final say. They were eleven children and from the 2nd down to the last he helped spent for their education. Even the married siblings ask him for support to buy the baby’s milk since they’re not earning enough either. The hard- headed siblings were not able to finish their studies just like their classmates who were bad influence. The youngest sibling, a girl who was just a college sophomore was luckier when she married an engineer several years his senior. She was the only one who married a professional. The rest married dropouts who were just like them. For all his sacrifices, to the extent of denying himself of higher education just to be able to send them to schools, clothe them they seemed to be ungrateful for not making the best of the opportunities given. Time spent, fatherly attention given to these younger siblings went to naught. Father and mother were thankful for having an eldest son like him but were unlucky to have the rest of their children grows up to be dependent on their parents and eldest brother. The eldest son remains unmarried to this day and have no family to look after him in his old age. Yes, he has less than a dozen nieces and nephews but they can’t compare to one’s own children who were properly raised. On the other hand, it’s better to remain a bachelor if he’ll have children just like his siblings. Even if he shed tears of blood, they won’t change. They don’t have visions and ambitions.

Somebody Up There Loves Me

SOMEBODY UP THERE LOVES ME

Monday. June 15, 1998. Our company's management began serving termination papers as a result of its downsizing program as a consequence of the pilot's protracted strike staged ten days earlier. Criteria used for this drastic action was Last In, First Out. But, it was not strictly followed. Several rank and file employees who should have been sent out were retained allegedly because of favorable attendance, work attitude and competence. On the other hand, several senior employees who should have remained were sent out. If I were to rate myself, I'll be somewhere above the middle. I belong to the second generation of employees still active in the service. My seniors were hired ten to twelve (10-12) years earlier while the youngest in the group, the so-called 3^rd generation employees were thirteen to fifteen (13-15) years my junior. In this structure, I was now among those considered as next in line for promotion. My last movement was seven years earlier and once a bidding for promotion is opened, I'm 80-90 per cent sure of making it. Two years earlier our manager had been making overtures of promoting me since two or our supervisors had intimated their desire of availing an early retirement. I politely refused telling him I'm flattered with the offer but I would rather remain in my present position. Some would readily agree and even grab the offer but my refusal was honest and sincere. I have different things in mind. At that time, I have two daughters attending college in the big city and two were in high school in the province.. It is true that with the promotion I'll be given a proportionate salary increase that goes with it. But the increase is loose change compared to what I'm getting in my present position. Nine to ten months a year I'm on company travel, i.e. on OB (official business). The per diems and overtime pay I'm earning in addition to my basic pay is substantially higher than what the most senior supervisor is getting. One time, before my traveling position was awarded to me I actually earned more than what my branch manager got in that particular year (his basic pay only… his representation allowance excluded). It's because I'm working almost two shifts a day (I have 38 hours overtime per week and 40 hours regular work/week). When the Statement of Earnings and withholding tax was released by payroll for the filing of our Income Tax Return to BIR, my withheld tax was seventy percent of the lowest earning made by my colleague in our branch. Obviously, my boss understood my position and persuaded the two supervisors to stay for at least a year since they are not 100 per cent sure of getting out. At the time of the ongoing pilot strike, our rank and file union was planning to stage our own strike in support of the pilot’s action, our supervisors wanting to be released renewed their pleas. Of the six supervisors in the roll, a third joined the original two. Less than a month later, three supervisors were out and three remained. Meanwhile, the pilots attempting to return to work in compliance with the labor department secretary's order to "Return To Work" were locked out. They were refused entry for not complying with the order a week earlier and found themselves without plane to fly. Management has effectively and permanently clipped their wings to fly the national flag carrier's planes. The following month, our division manager was forced to retire when management demanded all manager's resignation. He was not re-appointed and thus joined the three supervisors who retired earlier.. Our division, now without a manager was left in the care of an officer in charge. The most senior of the three remaining supervisor was appointed OIC. Two months later, one of the remaining two supervisors was forcibly retired after coming back to work for only two months after he was discharged from the hospital. Less than a year later, this supervisor died after suffering from his last stroke. With only one supervisor left to supervise 30 staffs spread in three shifts (ours is a 24-hour operation), our division made a re-organization and re-structuring. My travel assignment and position was scrapped following the closure of our outlying stations. I have no one to relieve in the provinces since our staffs there were absorbed by other department. This time I was given an offer I can not refuse.. I was promoted supervisor along with another colleague. Five months later I was confirmed. Less than a month after my appointment, the company chairman and CEO announced the inevitable closure of our company if no fresh additional capital is invested due to successive losses in revenue in the last several years. Less than two weeks after his announcement, the roof fell. The latest announcement was declared. "Tonight, the national flag carrier is closing down and will cease to operate. The airline business is finished. The national flag carrier is dead", so the Chairman and CEO said. Everybody were served our termination papers. This time we took a united stand. Divided in opinions on several issues, we made a quorum on what should be done. We will not sign and accept these termination papers, not accept our separation pay and we will fight it out to the end. We have determined that it's a psychological warfare (psy-war) we can't allow ourselves to lose. It's mental torture to get our separation pay, now out of work seeing new hires took over our previous position although they may be paid half or less than half of our salaries). Everybody is watching everyone else. There was even an agreement among us "whoever signs his termination paper and accept his separation pay will have his fingers chopped off". Heated debates followed, insulting words exchanged. Finally but grudgingly we agreed. DO NOT SIGN, DO NOT ACCEPT. Just like any normal human being, I was already doubting my ability to withstand pressure. After faithfully serving the company for more than 23 years, I was being served with a termination paper without any justifiable reason. Alone, I reconsidered my position. I've concluded, as If they don't have any loyalty to me, why should I have any to them?. I summoned my three children (all staying with me in the city , the youngest still with my wife in the province and the only one in high school) that night and broke the news.. my impending decision to TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN. "I will take my separation pay, go home to the province and start a small business.", I declared. Then I rationalized. No one can cut/will cut anyone else fingers as we have agreed among ourselves in the office because what one is getting is not anyone else. They can do with whatever they want with their money so with me. My eldest (daughter) said "DON'T, HANG ON. FIGHT IT OUT TO THE END". She added, "I"ll work part time as a service crew, study at night and even temporarily stop in my college studies". My second child/daughter says "IT'S UP TO YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR US.". I'lll work for my college Dean and she'll pay for my tuition fees. I'll attend my classes in the evenings," she added. My third child/son, just in his freshman year said "IT'S JUST TEMPORARY. GOD WILL NOT GIVE US ANY PROBLEM WE CAN NOT SOLVE". He added, I'll join Ate, at the food chain and be a working student too". Always the religious, the altar boy, I expected his opinion. Unknown to me, my children told my wife when she happen to called up wanting to talk to me. They told my wife my plans and the position they want me to take. My children were given instruction to tell me to wait for her call once I arrived from our rally at the Senate Building . We were making this rally to demand from our lawmakers to pass a law to have the state take over the national flag carrier. After arriving home, not long after the call came. We argued heatedly, on the verge of shouting out invectives defending the merits of our respective positions. Suddenly, she said.. "Our youngest here is joining his classmate in their teacher's piggery as helpers to be able to continue his studies and help the family". With her last words, I was struck with so much beating not knowing what hit me. I told my wife to hang up and I'll return call tomorrow after I've cleared my head of cobwebs. She hang up after telling me "DON'T TAKE THE MONEY. FIGHT, EVEN IF YOU'RE THE ONLY LAST MAN STANDING". Still confused on what to do after our red-hot discussion, I began to dissect my plans, how I arrived at this, and why I considered this my best option. It finally goes down to one of the seven deadly sins. Pride. My wounded feelings tells me exactly what I decided earlier.. Take my money. I deserved this. It's no dole out. It's not a gift. I worked hard to be entitled to this. All of my 23 years in the service. More than half of my lifetime. My best years. During this period, the union conducted a referendum among the members whether we agree to have a ten-year moratorium in our collective bargaining agreement (CBA) or to have the airline permanently closed forever.. President Erap was brokering the idea of reopening the airline for the sake of the national interest with certain conditions. The union must agree with the business owners desire to have a suspension in CBA negotiation for the next ten years. When the referendum was over, the YES votes have it. There will be a ten year moratorium from 1998 to 2008. Our company actually stopped operation for two weeks before we were recalled for the resumption of operation. In three days, everybody has showed up. Our OIC then distributed our recall papers. Not everyone is hard headed but then, we took a united stand, our second. No one signed a recall paper. We argued "how can that happen when we were not actually separated. Maybe these recall papers be better served to our colleagues who were terminated in June. No one in that group was recalled. We told our OIC, if they're joking don't do it to us. He can't force us so he referred to higher management and legal department what to do with us and the papers. He was instructed to let everyone sign both papers, the termination and recall. We didn't budge. We told him to put it in black and white. He did and everybody signed and dated the same papers the same day we signed it and with the remarks "RETURN TO WORK ACCEPTED". Days passed, then weeks and our operation was becoming normal again albeit many flights to many out stations were still not resumed. Suddenly I realized I have abandoned so many things I habitually do in the past. The last five months in my professional career had been so turbulent. I got lost in the maze of developments with blinding speed. Things were different when I woke up compared to what was happening when I fell asleep. Now, it's November 1998. Last time I saw my wife was in June, two days before the pilots went on strike. A colleague died in the hospital less than a week after he underwent a by-pass operation. I can still vividly remember. I donated my own blood before he went under the knife. One supervisor who was forcibly retired after coming back to work suffered his last stroke while on duty. I was the most senior around so I directed one of my colleague to call up an ambulance, two escorted him to the hospital. He wasn't able to return to his job since he was permanently incapacitated. Three supervisors and our division manager were gone. Thirteen staffs were terminated in the provinces and those retained were absorbed by another department. Many pilots were out of work. So with rank and file. In May we were more or less 14,000 strong. In late October we were around 4,000. So many casualties. Or as they in the military "collateral damage", aside from the actual casualties.

So many shattered dreams. I could have been one of them, with 5 dependents. Was it luck that I still belong to those who still remained? Am I too good and too smart to get out of this alive? Were my friends less capable and less talented why they're at the other side of the fence? We were no longer colleague but we remained friends. Some friends turned into enemies because we happen to have different opinions. Why allow this to affect me? After all, opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one. They have theirs, I have mine. I realized I haven't visited the house I used to visit before, especially when I'm asking a special favor. Thrice I passed government-administered examination because I asked for his help and blessings before I showed up at the venue of the exams. In the elementary, I was a consistent honor pupil and habitually prayed and asked for his guidance. Even early recovery from my illness and those of my family when I became a married man. In high school, in technical school and in college, I asked and prayed for his guidance. He never failed me. Even asking to be granted an excellent lifetime partner, it was granted. I married the best wife and mother. Our four children can attest to that. In solitude, I realized I had been negligent and ungrateful for his blessings. I was so used to fighting, competition and vengeance. I'm not really that smart, excellent or exceptional. Despite my human frailties, I still managed to succeed. Not because of my own effort. I acknowledge and accept that GOD gave me the strength and wisdom to succeed. That one and somebody up there loves me.

Migration That Never Was

More than two decades ago, I seriously considered joining the exodus of our countrymen never seen before who left our homeland to seek the proverbial greener pastures. Many find themselves doing odd jobs in the middle east, getting paid handsome salaries higher than what some junior executives are getting locally. Some were hired as seamen on board oil tankers, container ships and the lucky ones on board cruise ships in the Carribean and European tours. Several friends who were in a hurry to leave to join the hunt for the new-found fortune were leaving faster than expected. When their families were receiving the expected remittances, a new lifestyle was noticed. Mothers who can seldom afford to buy new clothes for their children even on Christmas holidays can be seen on shopping sprees every time they received their husband's allotment. Picnics and excursion were common place even to those who haven't been to beach before. Some who were living in run down apartments were moving to their new houses in the newly-opened subdivisions. School children who were attending classes in the public schools were transferred and attending their classes in the private schools the following school year. Seeing all these things were becoming disturbing. Attracted by the thought of getting paid much better than what my friends were receiving, I began to make an elaborate plan not to be left behind. The craving for more money is now sky high. After five years of marriage and four young children to took after, I decided it's now the time to make my own bold move. All my professional requirements were on hand and only my resolve to apply for an overseas job, contract signing and resignation from my present job separates me from the first pay envelope I’ll be receiving from my foreign employer. Like all previous serious decisions I made before, my well-laid plan were drawn, plotted and careful analysis were repeatedly done to make sure I’m not missing anything to draw a correct conclusion. I made this in absolute secrecy so no distraction can influence me in whatever decision I arrived. Ergo. The decision is right. There is no turning back. Time to present my thesis to my wife. I've done it before, I can do it again. I can get her approval.. whether she likes it or not. She will say " Yes, darling! Yes, honey! I'm supporting your plans 100 per cent. No buts. No ifs. Or so I thought. After dinner, one enchanted evening.. I began my preliminaries. Would you like to have a house and lot so we will be living in our own house instead of this rented run down apartment? Of course, who would not want to live in her own house. she replied. Better yet, it must have matching furniture to enhance the ambience of our new home, she added. Would you believe we can have both the house and matching furniture, send our children to a private school including educational fund for their college education? I asked like a salesman expecting to close the deal. Wow, that would be great sweetheart!, I never expected we could have that too soon, she said.. her eyes suddenly widened. I could hardly suppressed my smile. I told myself, It's time to deliver my coup de' grace. But before I could deliver my line, she finally asked. And where are you getting the money? Shocked but never out of my wits, I counter attacked. I don't have the money right now, but if you cooperate we will have it. I argued my case presenting my blue print emphasizing the advantages if I work overseas instead of staying in my present job. She remained quiet while carefully analyzing all my entries and when she was finally done, she said with a strong conviction pushing my thesis. Your study is incomplete. All you have here are the tangibles that can be quantified and given values in monetary amount and you did not show the intangibles. My face turned red down to the neck since it's the first time my work was returned and of all people, my wife did it. Err..what I'm planning to do is for the good of the family and it will improve our financial condition substantially, I strongly argued. But what you'll not be doing once you leave is also for the good of the family, the children particularly, she said on the verge on crying. And remember, I married you for what you are, not for what you want to be, nor what you can provide. I'm not a material girl. She's now crying and I couldn't say a word to exacerbate the situation. I let her to cry until silence fell. Then, I proposed that we talk it out without our emotional outburst. Bargaining and Negotiation followed. Conditions were explicit not leaving any room for doubts. Remain in my job to be able to continue discharging my parental function to guide our children (ages 5, 4, 2 and 1 years old) in their formative years, finish my baccalaureate degree (I was a graduate of a 2-year technical course and work for the national flag carrier and she was a degree holder working for the local government when we got married), I remained the sole bread winner and she to be a full time wife so we can give quality parenting time to our children. I can still consider going abroad once I finish my baccalaureate degree. Three years later I earned my degree. We were given substantial salary increase by my employer and my plan of going abroad was further put on hold. Overtime was open and I was able to buy our housing lot. Five years after graduation I was promoted to a higher position but my job requires me to travel to our satellite stations 9 to 10 months a year. My traveling allowances including my salaries were at par with what I'll be getting had I went abroad to be an OFW, the so-called modern day heroes. Three years later after I was promoted, our company went on a series of strikes that almost made our company declared bankruptcy and close shop. Our company actually closed shop or shall I say temporarily stopped operations and when it re-opened I find my self promoted anew to my present position. Many scrambled to get their separation thinking our company will finally closed shop. To those who gambled where I belong, we keep our planes and the company flying high. After more than twenty years since I originally planned to migrate and find my fortune overseas, I was able to keep my family's skin and soul together. All my children are now degree holders but one. They have all worked including the youngest who is two subjects short of graduation. Attending a training my employer gave to our dependents, he has a paying manager/business owner for a classmate. When the training was over, he gave my son a ring. He was asked, I want to hire you to work for me. Are you willing to accept? Sir, I am willing but I'm still an undergraduate, two subjects short of graduation., my son replied. No problem. Many graduates applied for the position I'm offering you. I don't want to hire them. I want to hire you. You're hired. Show up on Monday. So, of my four children the youngest didn't apply for a job. His classmate applied to be his employer.

Looking back, I could have made much money compared to what I actually got. What I lost was my dream and chance of migrating and making it big. What I gained was the outcome of how my children grew and what they achieved with me around. I appreciate the efforts of our countrymen who have to leave our homeland to find their places under the sun and give better and brighter future for their children. Mine was migration that never was.